I was watching football highlights the other day as we get close to pre-season, which, if you know me, is one of my favorite ways to completely check out and recharge, and something hit me that I couldn’t shake. I kept watching the defensive players and thinking, “They’re working just as hard as the offense, just as talented, and just as committed. But they can’t score. Because they weren’t playing offense.”
And then it hit me: that’s exactly how most people are living their lives.
Working hard. Showing up. Giving effort. But playing defense. And you cannot score if you’re living on defense all the time.
Let me break this down, because I think this paradigm shift, from defensive living to offensive living, is one of the most important mental moves you can make.
You Can’t Score If You’re Always on Defense
Think about what defensive living looks like in real life. In relationships, it looks like not letting people in, not being vulnerable, not putting your heart out there because you’re afraid of getting trampled on. You’re so busy protecting yourself from getting hurt that you never actually connect with anyone at a deep level.
At work, it looks like never rocking the boat, never taking a risk, never stepping out into something new or different. Just staying in the status quo, managing what you have, and hoping nothing changes.
In your personal brand and your creative life, it looks like you’re never fully committing. Never going all in. Staying just below the surface so that if it doesn’t work out, you can say you weren’t really trying.
I understand the appeal of defensive living. It feels safe. It feels controlled. But here’s the reality: even if you’re playing defense, you’re still going to get dirty. Life is going to hit you regardless. The question is whether you’re going to take those hits while moving toward something, or while standing still trying to protect what you already have.
The Team That Wins Has the Ball
You can only score if you have the ball. And having the ball requires strategy. It requires knowing more than the other team, being proactive rather than reactive, and studying, refining, discovering, and meeting with people who are already doing what you want to do.
Ask yourself honestly: Are you in a constant state of studying and developing strategies? Are you proactively building the life you want, or are you just trying to keep the life you have from falling apart?
There’s a massive difference between those two postures. One posture plays offense and builds. The other plays defense and just maintains.
Are You Letting Life Happen, or Are You Making It Happen?
Here’s one of the biggest signs that you’re living defensively: you make every decision, what you wear, what you say, where you go, who you spend time with, even what you post on social media, based on what other people think of you.
When someone else’s opinion becomes the primary driver of your choices, you’ve handed the ball over. You’re no longer running your own plays. You’re reacting to everyone else’s game plan. And the biggest sign of that kind of codependency is this: if you were to jump off a bridge, someone else’s life would pass before your eyes. Because you’re not living your life, you’re living someone else’s.
I know that’s a strong image. But I want it to land, because I spent years living that way. I was so concerned with what other people thought, so focused on not making waves, so committed to staying safe, that I wasn’t actually living. I was simply existing, managing, and playing defense.
Playing Offense Starts With a Mentor
The only way to get off defense and onto offense is to get strategies. And the best way to get strategies is to follow those who have what you want. That’s mentors. I will keep saying this until the day I die, because mentors saved my life. They gave me the playbook, helped me find my position on the field, and helped me understand my unique calling and how to carry it out.
Life is not going to happen to you. You are going to happen to life. But that requires getting off the sidelines, getting in the game, and playing offense. Even when it’s messy, even when you take hits, even when you don’t know exactly how the play is going to unfold.
Get in the game. Have the ball. Score.
Encouragement & Action:
This week, identify one area of your life where you’ve been playing defense: a relationship, a career move, a creative project, a dream. Write down one offensive action you can take in that area this week. One bold move. One step toward the goal line.
Here’s a question I’d love for you to answer in the comments: On a scale of 1-10, how offensive are you living right now, and what’s one thing that would move that number up by even just two points?